15 Romantic Comedies for Guys (and then some)

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

I'm breaking hiatus for a brief spell 'cause 'tis the season for this article I wrote a while ago, but sat on during a busy summer and didn't do anything about. So, I decided to revisit for the heck of it because...

I can't stand most romantic comedies.

Let's face it: If you're male and you're seeing a film with a significant other (presumably of the opposite sex - I'm just making a point), there's generally no other genre that's a bigger turn-off than one that's a blatantly marketed "Romantic Comedy". As one who's endured with a lady-friend his share of headache-inducing Reese Witherspoon romps, or anything with Jennifer Aniston smiling on the cover, some culturally-savvy dudes of my ilk and I have realized that the problem isn't the marketing, it's the fact that this is a tired genre that recycles the same conventions or plots and wraps them up in an attractive packaging. The "Rom-Com" is the cinematic equivalent of a cupcake: Neat, sweet, petite, full of different varieties and flavors, but ultimately and obviously, the same old sugary fluff. Woe to the men who admirably sacrifice their precious time and money (but obviously refuse to admit it).

Fortunately gents, there is hope, yet. I am in no way paid to do this, but because the general topic of entertainment interests me, it occurred to me that said films of this article's namesake are a rare breed. Yet somehow, I've amassed a collection of some less-popular "Rom-Com"s without even realizing it. Additionally, because I happen to have a lot of cynical guy-friends, I have written this as if I were addressing them, directly. So, do mind the brash tone.

These are in no particular order of preference (except maybe alphabetical). I hope you enjoy them, or at least, have expanded your horizons a bit with my opinion (and maybe something to liven up the Netflix queue).



1. (500) Days of Summer (2009)

 

What's in it for me?: Right from the get-go, this achieves what few Rom-Coms do - tells the story exclusively and accurately from the guy's perspective. Also, our hero is a huge romantic pessimist; something a lot of us can relate to. My only issue is Zooey Deschanel is not portrayed in the kindest of lights

What's in it for her?: Most girls I know who grew up in the 90s will remember JGL from NBC's "Third Rock". The marketing's also fairly innocuous, and if she's open-minded, she'll appreciate the shift in perspective.

I'm still not convinced: Okay, well...do you like quirky soundtracks headlined by indie-darling/Kimya-Dawson-soundalike Regina Spektor? Also, this doesn't have a happy, but rather, an ambiguous ending. enough to differentiate it and make it refreshing for me.



2. Annie Hall (1977)

 

What's in it for me?: It's a classic, it's Woody Allen hilariously trying to pick up younger women, it reaches out to the nebbish in all of us. In other words - even if you're a total loser, it's not the end of the world.

What's in it for her?: Again, it's a classic. Diane Keaton is appealing with her quirky, feminist wiles.  Also, if your lady's from New York, she can finally contribute to dinner conversation after her parents mayhaps have been pestering her to see it.

I'm still not convinced: It beat Star Wars for Best Picture at the Oscars. If that doesn't make you bitter, at least check it out and make an opinion.



3. An American Werewolf in London (1981)




What's in it for me?: Blood, gore, latex werewolves, scantily-clad women. Obviously not marketed like a Rom-Com, but really funny and with an unexpectedly-central love story.

What's in it for her?: Pretty English scenery as well as London proper that will satisfy the Anglophile in anyone. Also, enough jump-scares without being overly-scary, because it's padded out with some great humor

I'm still not convinced: It's from the guy who directed Animal House and Blues Brothers, so it has to be funny. Right?



4. Broadcast News (1987)

 

What's in it for me?: The two male leads will appeal to either demographic - the tough, handsome jerk who wants to be taken seriously, or the nerdy wimp who also wants to be taken seriously.

What's in it for her?: Holly Hunter is awesome as a bossy, romantically-frustrated news producer. Who doesn't like seeing a woman in charge (in 2014)?

I'm still not convinced: James L. Brooks basically took the tired Rom-Com formula and re-wrote it into something intelligent and compelling. In other words - he gave the stock characters actual souls. Also, seven Oscar nominations including Best Picture.



5. Chasing Amy (1997)



 What's in it for me?: I could've easily recommended anything else by Kevin Smith, but I find this one his most dramatically compelling. It's more than just about a guy who falls in love with a lesbian, even though that's basically the pitch. Also, the main character's a comic book artist - Smith is an un-closeted geek, after all.

What's in it for her?: A strong, main female character who doesn't take crap from anyone. The brutal honesty of the characters in this one is so strong, it almost hurts.

I'm still not convinced: ...Then watch Clerks. Kevin Smith is not for everyone, but it'd be a shame if you're a fan, or from New Jersey and haven't done so already.



6. Garden State (2004)



What's in it for me?: I consider it a precursor to (500) Days of Summer as it's told from the guy's perspective, and accurately to boot. Also, it's not blatantly marketed as a Rom-Com, but rather gradually develops into one as a story. A strong contender as my generation's answer to The Graduate

What's in it for her?:  Zach Braff's quirky brand of humor that's sensitive enough for her but refreshing inoffensive and unpretentious.

I'm still not convinced: Are you from New Jersey? Have you heard the awesome soundtrack? Are you that cynical about taste that I should label you a hipster? This is like, THE hipster movie of last decade. Sheesh...



7. The Graduate (1967)



What's in it for me?: Mrs. Robinson, the original MILF, portrayed amazingly by the late Anne Bancroft (aka "Mrs. Mel Brooks" - Mel is a lucky guy). Even snobby hipsters I knew would (figuratively) curl up into a fetal position and suck their thumbs at the sight or mention of The Graduate. Also, you can't get any more compelling than a young, dorky Dustin Hoffman.

What's in it for her?: Perhaps for the same reasons above (striking the MILF-part), but otherwise Katharine Ross's portrayal of love interest Elaine Robinson is a great example of a confused young girl, living in the shadow of her domineering parents who gradually becomes more independent for her own good.

I'm still not convinced: Well, too bad. You're missing out on a significant piece of modern American pop-culture. Does it pique your curiosity in the slightest how much The Graduate had an impact on the Baby Boomers (who I presume may be your parents generation, as are mine)? At least watch it for the impeccably-integrated Simon and Garfunkel soundtrack.



8. In Bruges (2008)



What's in it for me?: Ok, I'm stretching it with this one, but the love story's a significant aspect of this otherwise dark, twisted, fish-out-of-water, gangster-comedy about an Anglo-Irish hitman who happens to meet a cute, blonde, Belgian drug dealer while hiding out in...the film's namesake. There's bloodshed, shootouts, midgets, and I personally think it's not only well-written drama, but hilarious.

What's in it for her?: Colin Farrell and pretty medieval Belgian scenery. Need I say more?

I'm still not convinced: Everyone I know who I've recommended this one to thought it was hilarious, just watch the trailer on YouTube. Otherwise, I presume you must dislike British cinema. Relax, just turn on the subtitles if you can't understand it.



9. It Happened One Night (1934)


What's in it for me?: Here's the granddaddy of all rom-coms, and it still holds up as a good film, too. Clark Gable pioneered the rake telling the spoiled girl who's boss (and falling in love with her, at the same time). This film, at the zeitgeist of it's ilk, gets screwball comedy right; something that's sorely lacking in it's modern successors.

What's in it for her?: I hope she likes old films, or else this might be a tough sell. Do I have to get on my soapbox and yell at people to appreciate the classics?

I'm still not convinced: It's the first film to win all five major Oscars. If a film could accomplish such a thing back then, than it must be good, no? Sure beats slogging through four hours of Gone With the Wind if Golden Age classics are on the queue for the weekend.


 
10. Metropolitan (1990)



What's in it for me?: This is a "rom-com" for intellectuals - It's a no-frills, witty look at New York's social upper crust. And let's face it: Rich people have just as much problems as the rest of us do. The male lead is endearing in a Gatsby-esque way, too.

What's in it for her?: If she's into classic "chick-lit", she'll appreciate all the obvious nods to Jane Austen novels.

I'm still not convinced: Then don't watch it, it's too highbrow for the likes of you (see one of the "Honorable Mentions" below, instead).



11. My Cousin Vinny (1992)


What's in it for me?: If you go to law school, chances are, not a year goes by without this gem being quoted - Yes, it's mainly set in court, but funny-guy Joe Pesci's chemistry with his equally flashy, loudmouthed girlfriend (played by Marisa Tomei, in an Oscar-winning performance) are what make this worth watching in the first place.

What's in it for her?: Marisa Tomei has an empowering character arc where her unexpected expertise in automobile engines comes into play. In other words; she's sexy, she knows it, and she's probably smarter than you. Karate Kid Ralph Macchio plays...Vinny's cousin.

I'm still not convinced: You really think there's a better legal comedy that happens to be a "Rom-Com"? Let me guess: Legally Blonde?? Okay...



12. Roman Holiday (1953)


What's in it for me?: Gregory Peck plays a maverick reporter who falls in love with an incognito, runaway Princess (Audrey Hepburn). It's told mainly through his perspective, and does the job in the good, old-fashioned, no frills-kinda way. The screenplay is also very competently-written and doesn't offer the most ideal ending - rather, a more realistic one.

What's in it for her?: Audrey Hepburn in her debut performance, being cute, girly, and all that stuff. Also, some pretty Roman scenery.

I'm still not convinced: Meh, I guess old movies aren't your thing. No sex or violence here; it's more for the patient-types. Move along...



13. Shaun of the Dead (2004)



What's in it for me?: Blood, gore, zombies, parody. It's a great parade of the undead through London as Shaun tries to patch things up with his ex Liz. Some of the film's best comedy comes from the intentionally hackneyed bantering that goes on between Shaun and Liz.

What's in it for her?: IF she's not into the bloody stuff (it gets worse towards the end), at least she'll probably laugh at it, and if she's into British humor.

I'm still not convinced: In case you failed to notice, the poster says "A Romantic Comedy, with zombies." C'mon, are you sold?



14. Silver Linings Playbook (2012)


What's in it for me?: Easily a more post-modern rendition of the romantic comedy about a recently-released mental patient trying to find his "silver lining" with his new lease on life. Along the way, he befriends the village bicycle (Jennifer Lawrence) who ends up becoming more than just a "friend with an 'F'." Plus, it's got gambling, football, and a strong inspirational message that transcends any genre.

What's in it for her?: Jennifer Lawrence has more cojones in this film than Bradley Cooper and Robert De Niro, combined! How's that for empowerment?

I'm still not convinced: Are you into psychiatry? The Philadelphia Eagles? Philly in general?? Otherwise, stay far away, Mr. Scrooge.



15. Ted (2012)


What's in it for me?: I may be stretching this one, too, but at the center of the story is a guy, his girl and his best friend, who happens to be a talking, CGI teddy bear. This is a creative play on the "bromance v. romance" parable that has Seth MacFarlane's usual lowbrow humor thrown in for good measure.

What's in it for her?: Mila Kunis doesn't take bull from anyone in this film. Otherwise, her performance as the straight female lead is a nice refresher from the otherwise unremarkable female characters in the film.

I'm still not convinced: Well, it's from the creator of Family Guy, so if you like that, you should know what you're getting yourself into.



I refuse to watch any of these, what else could there possibly be out there?? Okay, fine, then how about...



Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)



What's in it for me?: Your three basic film needs - Angelina Jolie (hot), guns (make things go "boom"), Brad Pitt (the guy we all aspire to be).

What's in it for her?: Her three basic film needs - Brad Pitt (to look at while we look at Angie), guns (a reason to get you - or both of you - to watch something), Angelina Jolie (what can I say? I talk to a lot of women who consider her the quintessential 21st century feminist - everyone needs a role model).

I'm still not convinced: Really? I give you an action movie and you turn it down? With all due respect, what kind of guy are you?? I guess your significant other must wear the pants in the relationship. Fair enough!

Honorable Mentions: Jerry Maguire, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Knocked Up, There's Something About Mary, The 40 Year-Old Virgin, Robin Hood: Men In Tights, The Wedding Singer, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Shrek, When Harry Met Sally, Wedding Crashers, Juno, Meet the Parents, High Fidelity.

On Hiatus!

Dear friends,

In case you're wondering where I've been for the past few months, I'm taking a break from blogging until I can figure out how to get it monetized through Google. I welcome any thoughts or suggestions, but I promise once I get it going, you'll see a slew of reviews and musings that are a little outdated, but well worth the wait.

Thank you,
- Jon

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MOVIE REVIEW: Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

Amidst the clusterfwagh (sic) that has been finals week in law school, I deservedly take my evening off to watch movies. Although I'm only one down, and three to go, I feel pretty good right now (although it's probably because Criminal Procedure is depressing, and I'm just happy to be done). What you ask was on my docket this evening? None other than 2012's rom-com Oscar darling Silver Linings Playbook. A rather ordinary by-the-books story, but one that's populated with some extraordinary characters and stellar production values.

Former high-school teacher Pat Solitano is fresh out of a Baltimore mental hospital for a violent incident involving his less-than-faithful wife. As a result, he's lost his job, his home, and is estranged from his wife. Moving back in with his hapless mother and overly-superstitious, Eagles-superfan father, Pat sets out to find the "silver linings" in life's difficulties as he makes it his mission to reconcile with his wife. Although a generally optimistic guy, Pat struggles to cope with his bipolar disorder; throwing fits over trivialities like the endings of Hemingway novels, dealing anger management, and his biggest pet peeve: Stevie Wonder's "Ma Cherie Amour". A chance dinner-date at an old friend's house introduces Pat to his friend's sister-in-law, Tiffany, a young, widow suffering from clinical depression and recently-unemployed due to her chronic nymphomania with co-workers. She agrees to help Pat re-connect with his wife, in exchange for entering a dance competition as her partner. Things are further complicated though, by Pat's family obligations.

Playbook is one of those films that falls comfortably in the "quirky" category, but all the characters come off so naturally thanks to David O. Russell's stellar, and improvisation-fueled direction. The leads are irresistibly charismatic. Bradley Cooper, is finally given a chance to show some dramatic range, and allows the audience to establish strong empathy with Pat. It's a great career milestone for a trained actor who was originally known for going to Vegas, stealing Mike Tyson's tiger, and kidnapping a naked Ken Jeong.

And then there's Jennifer Lawrence. Ladies and gentleman, America has a new "sweetheart", and it's come in the form of a curvy, husky-voiced blonde from Kentucky with a hint of social-awkwardness that only makes her verisimilitude shine through her newfound Hollywood trappings. As the film's sole Oscar win, I guess it's fairly deserved for a then-21 year-old who was given a role, several years more mature than her. Still, Lawrence carries Tiffany with great deadpan comic timing and amazing vulnerability that she almost flips like a switch. Her brash, assertive attitude with moments of unanticipated intelligence evoke memories of Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny. For the record, I was originally rooting for Jessica Chastain with an upset by Emmanuelle Riva, but after watching, I can see why she became the award-season favorite.

Playbook has touches of melodrama that may potentially annoy some more hardened viewers, such as it's ending. Compared to the book, it also deviates quite a bit from the source material, as far as I can tell. Other than that, I enjoyed Playbook; it's nothing we haven't seen before in terms of the general story, but rather a rare instance of a romantic comedy that doesn't insult my intelligence by demonstrating enough realism, honesty and humor to come off as credible. Could I possibly nitpick anything else? Well...there's the Philadelphia Eagles...haha. Sorry, I'm actually a New York Giants fan. But, whatever...

8/10

Peace,
- Jon

MOVIE REVIEW: Olympus Has Fallen (2013)

Olympus Has Fallen is everything A Good Day to Die Hard should have been, but sadly was not the case. John McClane could have easily been written in as the main character, complete with his one-liners, and we would've had one of the better films in the series. The comparison is glaringly obvious, because Olympus has been marketed to death as being basically Die Hard in the White House, just as much as Air Force One was Die Hard on a plane. Here, the audience is taken on an incendiary, bullet-riddled tour of the Executive Mansion, and it's crawling with America's latest fear - North Korean terrorists. While the film is marred by being one of the better Die Hard clones, a little suspension of disbelief towards the expected logic holes will leave you in for a fun ride.

Secret Service Agent Banning (who's a dead ringer for Syphon Filter's Gabe Logan) is working a mundane desk job in Treasury security, after the First Lady dies in a tragic accident under his command. The day after Independence Day, his best friend, the President, is hosting the South Korean Prime Minister to discuss protection from their tension-risen North neighbors. Eventually, all hell breaks loose when a Secret Service double-agent and a contingent of North Korean terrorists attack the White House, capture the Executive Branch and the Prime Minister, and wipe out a number of pedestrians and law enforcement on Pennsylvania Avenue faster than you can say "Oppa Gangnam Style." Alerted first-hand to the chaos, Banning infiltrates the White House, and maintains contact with the Speaker - now the Acting President. Holding the President hostage, the terrorist leader begins to torture his staff for clearance codes, leading to a more harrowing scheme than mere ransom. When the threat becomes a race against time, Banning not only sees this as an opportunity to save the President, but redemption as well.

Anyone looking for authenticity in Olympus will be sorely disappointed (and I would laugh); there is no possible way anything like this could happen in real life, unless I'm mistaken and the whole thing was actually directed by Kathryn Bigelow, complete with CIA clearance. Let's face it: It's just an action film. Once you get past that bitter herb of truth, the rest of it's gravy. The opening attack is shockingly brutal; landmarks are desecrated and there's bloodshed aplenty. Performances are stellar, especially with the veteran supporting cast. The action is fairly relentless, some fight scenes are a little under-choreographed, but the brutality makes up for it. When the film shifts gears towards Banning's race against time, all expectations go out the window as you're drawn to the edge of your seat. So ultimately, while the story's nothing new, I welcome anything with a high-concept like "Die Hard in the White House," simply because you know what to expect while watching it. Where Olympus delivers in action and thrills, that's where it succeeds with brio.

And at any rate, it looks like June's White House Down is going to have some big shoes to fill.

8/10

Peace,
- Jon

MOVIE REVIEW: A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)

Okay, so, it appears I may not exactly be in agreement with the general consensus who believes John McClane's 5th installment: A Good Day to Die Hard is a complete disaster, but it was a fun way to spend an afternoon. The reality of the matter is, the film is a fairly ordinary action picture that brings nothing new to the table, save for some flashy action sequences. Add some daddy-issues to the mix and you've got some cinematic vodka with a forgettable aftertaste.

Some time after his last adventure, John McClane is in Moscow, expecting to see his son after a fiasco has landed him in court. Unfortunately for both of them, terrorists attack the courthouse, leading McClane Sr. in pursuit of Jr. He then discovers Jack is actually involved with the CIA, charged with protecting one of the terrorists. Eventually, they are led to Chernobyl, where they stumble upon a scheme to unearth billions of dollars vaulted away in an abandoned warehouse - the expected pyrotechnics ensuing.

It could have honestly been any other nondescript action movie, but it just happens to have the Die Hard monniker attached to it. There's nothing particularly ground-breaking or exciting that this film brings to the series, save for one decent car chase and a guy getting killed by helicopter rotors. Bruce Willis is even lacking his memorable spate of one-liners, reduced to a tired running gag where he spats some variation of "I'm on vacation" whenever given the chance. Much of the plot isn't very coherent, but then again, it probably wasn't meant to be.

It's a rather odd scenario when your PG-13 predecessor happened to be a much better movie, and didn't need much of the excesses that this one is dependent on. Off the top of my head: CGI and nearly every Russian stereotype from St. Petersburg to Siberia. Even still, if the screenwriter actually did his homework, he'd realize that Chernobyl is actually in the Ukraine, and a 12-hour drive from Moscow that McClane and son seem to accomplish within an evening. For what it's worth, Die Hard 5 is probably a rental at best, unless you're a fan with relatively tempered expectations.

5/10

Peace,
- Jon

MOVIE REVIEW: The Last Stand (2013)

Ah, Ahnuld, how the mighty have fallen in the past couple years. Yet while I objectively consider his personal convictions reprehensible, he still knows how to sell me a good action picture. Call me a sucker, but even Snooki has her fervent admirers; I simply pick and choose what is entertaining to me, regardless of what a person's lifestyle dictates. Enter The Last Stand, Arnold Schwarzenegger's latest action picture that's a goofy send-up of what I inferred was high-concept, Die Hard rip-offs that permeated the early 90s. It's nothing groundbreaking, but will fit the bill for those going in who know what to expect.

Ray Owens is a beat-down sheriff of a small, Texas town. When a Mexican drug cartel invades with a cutting-edge, high speed sports car, capable of transcending the border at an incredible rate, Owens needs to band together a ramshackle group of deputies when the FBI leaves them hanging dry in order to take them down.

This is your typical burger-and-fries action picture; I could have honestly waited for this on Blu-Ray with a hackneyed plot that didn't bring anything new to the table; avenging fallen comrades, retribution for past wrongs, and greedy turncoat double-agents, Arnold barely even gives any memorable one-liners. Much of the first half of the movie is pretty meh, but things pick up in spades when the big action spectacle begins. The action delivers in the most over-the-top fashion - bodies are blown apart, a peeved old lady ices a thug with a Colt .45, and there's a lot of the usual, "Jackass" physical humor from Johnny Knoxville. I had a lot of fun watching it for what it was as a casual action fan, everyone else may just want to stick with renting.

6/10

Peace,

MOVIE REVIEW: Zero Dark Thirty (2012)

Ten years ago, Kathryn Bigelow was known for some cult horror films, big-budget flops, Point Break, and being the ex-wife of James Cameron. In 2009, she sent Hollywood afire with the Iraq war-themed Hurt Locker, which won the Academy Award for Best Picture and giving her the distinction of being the first woman to win Best Director - both prizes were even lost by her ex, Cameron, for his work on the ambitious, sci-fi epic Avatar. Three years later, followed by lots of research and ensuing controversy, Bigelow returns with Zero Dark Thirty, an incendiary account of the CIA agent who spent ten years locating the hideout of the new millennium terrorist-at-large, Osama Bin Laden, and the ensuing Navy SEAL operation.

Zero Dark Thirty opens up with a black tableau, solely portraying audio of the 9/11 attacks. Two years later, rookie CIA agent, only known to the audience as "Maya," is brought in to assist with the interrogation of a terrorist, but questions the ethics in which her supervisor handles the punishment. Jessica Chastain delivers a wonderful performance that evokes memories of watching Sigourney Weaver and Jodie Foster in their landmark, '80s roles. As Maya works her way through the annals of CIA information, we are treated to a mystery that unravels like a ball of yarn over the course of two-and-a-half-hours. The investigation begins to visibly affect Maya's social relationships - colleagues are killed, bridges are burnt. She also struggles to convince her male superiors of a huge lead discovered in Pakistan - likely Bigelow's subtle attempt at injecting a strong feminist theme. Eventually, once the writing's on the wall, the story shifts to the fateful SEAL Operation, and becomes the most tense thirty minutes I've seen in a film, yet so far.

In many ways, Zero Dark Thirty is like the "sister" film to it's "brother" Hurt Locker; both explore themes of committed government employees who bear huge responsibilities at the sacrifice of a normal life and a job that constantly challenges their emotions and personal morals. It's no question that Bigelow is a pro at this sort of drama; all the while presenting it in a straightforward, docudrama-like format that evokes the early works of Scorsese. For many, Zero will be a hard pill to swallow - it's a long movie that runs at a brisk pace, but is saturated in Pro-Americanism (warts and all) and entertaining to at the very least, spy film aficionados and political buffs (in other words, my grandmother would be bored or repulsed out of her mind). Regardless, this is living history on celluloid. The controversy regarding the sources where screenwriter Mark Boal drew his sources from may have neutered it's Oscar chances, but it's an important film, and certainly one of the year's best.

9/10

Peace.

MOVIE REVIEW: Django Unchained (2012)

Dear Quentin Tarantino: I've long admired your work since I first saw Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction when I was 16 years old. Since the release of Inglourious Basterds nearly four years ago, you've convinced me that it's entirely possible to forge historical fiction out of pulpy, B-movie tropes and make them chillingly relevant, whilst being overwhelmingly entertaining. The closest comparison I can make to this technique are postmodern adaptations of Shakespeare I've seen developed for theatre, but even that is a loose comparison. Here, the execution with Django Unchained, while controversial, is absolutely flawless.

1858, the American South. German dentist King Shultz purchases Django, a slave, from a travelling slave-owner. Dr. Shultz shoots the slave-owner, dead and frees his captives. He reveals to Django he is actually a bounty hunter and trains Django to be his apprentice. After a year of lucrative exploits, Django reveals to Shultz he has a wife, Broomhilda. Enchanted by their personal history (due to a coincidental connection with her name to German lore), Shultz agrees to help Django find Broomhilda, who happens to be owned by a wealthy plantation owner named Calvin Candie. Candie also happens to be sadistic, shrewd, and morally corrupt; a fact the duo must deal with in order to leave with Broomhilda, and their lives.

Django is essentially a spaghetti western set amidst a pre-American Civil War, Deep South backdrop. Like my earlier comparison with Shakespeare, here, the setting is Tarantino's canvas, and the genre serves as his colors. The heroes of spaghetti westerns were typically regarded as social outcasts or marked men who had nothing to lose in order to reach their goals. Django is a freed slave, but gains individual strength upon his freedom and legendary status (because in 1858, an African-American, in dapper attire on a horse is going to draw attention). The stories usually dealt with reclaiming lost love or gold, here we get both, and with the similar quality of blood-soaked, graphic violence that made counterculture American westerns like The Wild Bunch so notorious. It's a daring artistic proposition, that entertainingly pays off.

Aside from the violence, the only thing that will potentially repel viewers from Django is the blatant displays of racism portrayed in the film. Yet, the racism in Django, while a subconscious political statement, is really a dramatic device used by Tarantino to remind viewers of how society viewed each other during this time period (one sequence involving a pre-KKK movement comes off as comically brilliant). Interestingly, I remember hearing very little about the anti-German sentiment and antisemitism that was portrayed in Inglourious Basterds. It is my personal opinion, as horrible as they are, that historical depictions of racism must avoid censorship, as a reminder of how far away we've matured as a society, and as a lesson why we should never tolerate them again.

Bold, ingenious, audacious. Django Unchained is currently my favorite film of 2012.

10/10

Peace,
- Jon

MOVIE REVIEW: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

Revisionist/alternative history is slowly becoming a favorite genre of mine. About a year ago, I read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, also by Seth Grahame-Smith. I thought it was moderately enjoyable, having not read the Jane Austen novel, I couldn't appreciate the throwback references. However, when I caught wind of a film adaptation for one of his works; Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, I had to give it a shot.

Seeking revenge for the murderer of his mother, a young Abe Lincoln is rescued by a self-proclaimed vampire hunter, who begins to train him to be America's answer to Van Helsing. He learns that American vampires were descended from one in New Orleans, and have plans to turn the nation into a land of undead. Lincoln enters politics, and becomes President, but somehow needs to find a way to protect his secret identity from his family and the nation, in order to avoid opening a Pandora's Box of fear upon America.

AL:VH is basically a story of style over substance. I don't know if it was the storyline or the hammy, theatrical approach to the acting that resulted in something lost in translation for me, but the execution of the narrative for some reason didn't click with me. In fact, I got a little bored with a good chunk of the story. Fortunately, the film has enough action to spare, and comes off as very over-the-top yet grand when juxtaposed against the Civil War setting. While in the end, I didn't have much to say about the film as a whole, I appreciated it's sense of spectacle and look forward to the next Grahame-Smith adaptation...just as long as they work on tweaking the script a bit more.

6/10

Peace,
- Jon

MOVIE REVIEW: Silent Night (2012)

Yes Virginia, there are killer Santa films. Quite a few in fact, although none of them in particular have been very good. Silent Night in fact happens to be a "loose remake" of a controversial 80s slasher called (more pretentiously) Silent Night Deadly Night. I have seen the original before, and by all means, it's one tasteless, sick puppy of a film. It's not enjoyable by any stretch if you're looking for entertainment, but requires the viewer to suspend some moral fiber in case it might offend (a couple shots of strong eggnog will help). I have no interest in reviewing it for the sake of my sanity, but I came across the remake out of low expectations that maybe they tried something different and markedly improved. The result? Yes, but not by much...

In a small, Wisconsin town on Christmas Eve, the Sherriff and his young, attractive Deputy have responded to a bizarre murder where the killer has allegedly been sighted as wearing a Santa suit. That's bad news for the populace, because the town is so fired up for Christmas that they throw an annual Santa parade, complete with hundreds of potential suspects dressed as St. Nick. Each killing leads the duo to piece together a pattern to the murders, until they discover the killer Kringle's true motive.

The most distinct aspect this film has going for it is the police procedural, mystery edge to the story, that's helmed by the Sherriff and Deputy. The problem is, it's done a little clumsily, with a lot of guess-work going on in an attempt to create what ends up being poorly-written suspense that's barely worthy of "CSI." The rest is typical, ultra-violent, slasher fare with creative "kill-scenes" that are obviously a throwback to the 80s - bratty girl electrocuted by cattle prod, topless porn actress fed into a woodchipper, elf-clad blonde impaled on deer antlers (which also happened in the original) - I swear, I'm not making any of this up. Surely there's a core audience who...appreciates...this sort of stuff. Most of the time, I was either wincing or raising my eyebrows in disbelief.

I guess what the film does have going for it is Jamie King's performance as the Deputy, since she really manages to come off as the only relatable character in the entire story. Even the killer's identity feels like something of an afterthought, tacked onto the "meh" screenplay and leaving the door open for a possible slew of direct-to-DVD sequels. Also, let's face it: Most of my generation was raised on a diet of chipper Christmas films, only to discover "alternative" fare like Gremlins, or Die Hard in later years. I always welcome something "different" for the holidays. The only difference between those films and Silent Night, is that they were better films.

6/10

Peace,
- Jon

MOVIE REVIEW: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)

Hello everyone, hope you're all enjoying your holidays. I've been back from school for roughly about a week, but have resumed blogging after a week of decadence. I just needed some "me" time, but now I'm done. Anyway, for the first of my three reviews, here's The Hobbit.

Most Tolkien fans are already familiar with the story: prior to Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Bilbo Baggins is paid a visit by Gandalf and a group of dwarves who he joins on a quest to reclaim their kingdom from a threatening dragon. Although Bilbo is reluctant at first, he discovers a sense of adventure amidst the journey, including a fateful encounter with a wayward hobbit named Gollum and "The One Ring."

Putting it nicely, The Hobbit is to Lord of the Rings what the Star Wars prequels are to the original trilogy. Some may cry blasphemy at my comparison, but I generally enjoyed those films, even if they were wholly inferior in comparison to their predecessors. The Hobbit dazzles viewers with the help of a ten-year advance in special effects between the series. Although I did not see the film in it's controversially ground-breaking, "soap opera-like" 48 frames-per-second, I've seen enough film and TV on LCD projections that I know it's really best served for films like these where the "smoothness" makes the CGI less obvious. At 169 minutes, it's a long endeavor, but with enough adventure, imagination, and distinct characters that it will keep your attention.

The Hobbit's biggest flaw is that it's esotericism comes with a strong reliance on comic relief, whereas viewers unfamiliar with Tolkien at the time Lord of the Rings was released (like me) were tenaciously drawn into the world of Middle Earth thanks to the trilogy's strong dramatic thrust. The Hobbit leans heavily on mild-frathouse humor, mostly from the dwarves. While it worked in bits and pieces in Rings, here it feels at times excessive, and borders on amateurish. Mature audiences (like my parents) will likely be bored by these antics, but the target teenage audience will likely gobble it up.

Most sentimentally, The Hobbit is a welcome reunion to Middle Earth for characters that were originally introduced in the series, and then some. I doubt it will win serious artistic accolades, but as a technical powerhouse, it is a force to be reckoned with.

7/10

Peace,
- Jon

MOVIE REVIEW: Argo (2012)

I'm really excited for the way this year has been shaping up, so far as film goes. And while this year has been punctuated by some good political works and thrillers, Argo is a successful combination of the two, with an even more unique plot. Being a true story, makes this one icing on the cake.

After being treated to a retro, WB-logo opening, the audience is briefed on the global political situation in 1979: The cancer-ridden Shah of Iran is controversially granted asylum in the United States, leaving his country behind poor, and his people bitter; all allegedly due to his excessive lifestyle and forced Westernization. Later that year, angry Iranians storm the American embassy, taking hostages while six manage to escape, taking sanctuary in the Canadian embassy. In 1980, knowing the foreign-servicemen and women's time in Iran is short, CIA agent Tony Mendez plans an extradition involving a false Canadian film production for a sci-fi sleazefest called "Argo." Once in Iran, Mendez needs to appease both the government and his countrymen that he needs to rescue, before executing the operation itself.

Argo is a caper film that feels very much like a product of it's time, and that's a good thing. Thrillers were among the top of their game around this point in time, at least what I've seen on an international scale. There's not a whole lot of action, but instead replaced by tense moments, human drama, and skilled attempts at making documentary/news footage relevant with what's happening. Essentially, the film is broken down into three tangible acts where the rescue operation is chronicled. By the time the film reaches the third act, you know how it's going to go down, but you're just as scared as the Americans as director Ben Affleck jumps us through Hitchcockian-hoops of tension that had my audience audibly gasping for air after these moments passed.

So then, the one area where Argo does feel a little strange is during the Hollywood sequence, where Mendez needs to find a pitch for the film. It's highly comical, lighthearted, and entertaining (with a hilarious performance by Alan Arkin, as a cantankerous producer), but felt a little out of place with the cold sincerity of the rest of the film. It's really hard to fault one part that happens to be highly entertaining, it's just a litte inconsistent with the tone of everything else.

Nonetheless, Argo is a tense, character-driven thriller that is definitely worth your time, and possibly one of the better films that you'll see all year. I won't be surprised if it picks up a few nods over the course of next year.

9/10

Peace,
- Jon

MOVIE REVIEW: Lincoln (2012)

Steven Spielberg, ever the consummate filmmaker, delivers a pensive, and thought-provoking account of President Abraham Lincoln's last four months in office. As with most films who's subject is a non-fictional character, I entered Lincoln with a sense of open-mindedness in considering which direction the story will go in. Although I would have liked to have seen some other areas of Lincoln's story elaborated on, as a film on his greatest achievement, this is a fine work, indeed.

Written by acclaimed playwright Tony Kushner, the story deals with the battles Lincoln undertook from within his cabinet to get the 13th Amendment, the Emancipation Proclamation, ratified in an attempt to end the Civil War. By abolishing slavery in the Union, Lincoln was convinced this amendment would make the Union look more sympathetic to abolitionists and slaves alike. Along with the ensuing political gridlock, he audience also gets a glimpse into his family life, detailing his strained marriage to his wife, and struggle with his eldest son's choice to join the army.

This film, in general, is a treat for history buffs. Those who revel in production aesthetics will be overjoyed by the 1860s costumes, Colonial architecture, and the detail Kushner and the actors have paid towards the speech and dialogue. The acting is outstanding, and I wouldn't be surprised if Lincoln collects the SAG award for Best Ensemble this year. It's no surprise that the biggest stars deliver the most notable performances. Tommy Lee Jones steals every scene he's in as the curmudgeonous Thaddeus Stevens. Sally Field as Mary Todd Lincoln does not get a lot of screen time, but portrays Mrs. Lincoln's fragility and mercurial personality perfectly. Daniel Day-Lewis...words alone will not do justice for the talent he brings as our 16th president, right down to the distinct inflection of his voice he brings Lincoln to life. I expect to see much news of him, come awards season.

So my criticisms of Lincoln relate mainly to the execution of the story itself. The title implies a biography, but Lincoln is nothing of the sort; just a chronicle of the man's most important moment of his entire presidency. The title's basically a draw-in; it would've been more appropriate and honest to call it something more related to the subject matter. Speaking of which, the glimpses and melodrama we observe of Lincoln's family are some of the most dramatic moments from a theatrical perspective. It's not to say Spielberg wasted some fine opportunities to explore these areas, but when one looks at something like The Godfather and says there can't be an argument made for great character drama in a contrasting story, I become skeptical.

Nonetheless, I still consider Lincoln one of the best films, albeit a flawed one, that 2012 had to offer.

8/10

Peace,
- Jon

MOVIE REVIEW: Skyfall (2012)

Skyfall is, in my opinion, without a doubt, the best of Daniel Craig's James Bond films. It's the perfect storm of the series' capable present roster of actors, renowned director Sam Mendes (who's responsible for one of my favorites, American Beauty), and a crew of reputable technicians with equally impressive resumes (I'm not kidding, there's at least 10 Oscar nods among the principals in the main credits). After a solid, but thematically jarring debut with Casino Royale and the underwhelmingly perfunctory Quantum of Solace, Skyfall is a welcome entry in the series that achieves something rare in James Bond films: It functions perfectly well as a stand-alone-film.

Of course, it would be a travesty not to mention Adele's exceptional eponymous title song that almost makes up for the trauma my ears endured from Alicia Keys and Jack White's "Another Way to Die." Adele, like the film itself, belts a tune that harkens back to James Bond's jazzy 1960s roots. It's a tragically romantic torch song with an incendiary beat that underlies the doom-and-gloom tone of the film, while still achieving a refined sound and infectious melody.

The film begins with Bond and his attractive female colleague Eve pursuing a terrorist in Turkey. Whilst fighting him atop a train, Bond is hit by friendly fire from Eve's sniper rifle and plummets into the ocean. Although Bond survives and lays low; taking a much-needed sabbatical filled with women and booze, his boss M starts taking heat from the British government (in the form of the Intelligence Committee Chairman, played by Ralph Fiennes) after a mysterious computer glitch outs the MI6 roster of "00 agents." Determined to unmask the culprit, M takes MI6 "underground," rehabilitates Bond, and hires a young hacker (who later beomes Q) to design new gadgetry for Bond. After identifying the culprit, the tables begin to turn as this cyberterrorist not only turns out to be crazy, but is out for revenge against MI6. 007 himself will need to get in touch with his past, in order to defeat this madman.

I thouroughly enjoyed everything about Skyfall in that it was such a fresh approach to a medium that has become long in the tooth. The best way I could describe this film can't even be with one adjective. It's a lot like The Dark Knight in that the film has a foreboding atmosphere and build-up towards very violent or tense conclusions. Since the series has reached it's 50th birthday, there are a lot of fun references thrown in to prior works; it's done in a refreshingly subtle way, and considerably less in-your-face than the last "anniversary Bond film," the over-the-top Die Another Day. Javier Bardem also gives a chilling performance as the villain, whose behavior strikingly resembles that of Heath Ledger's immortal rendition of The Joker. The rest of the main cast does well with the story, which does an interesting job of exploring more of Bond's past, all of which leads up to a gripping conclusion that opens the door to a more familiar direction for the series that Bond fans will likely be more comfortable with.

If there is any complaint to be had, it's that the film is very atypical-Bond when it comes to the more decadent aspects of the series. This is not one of those films where Bond gets to shmooze around with beautiful women and nice hotels (in fact, we only get one of those moments in Shanghai. His earlier escapades are sleazy, but not that explicit). Skyfall tones down these elements in order to put more focus on the main story. Even the main Bond girls are somewhat underplayed; Judi Dench, for the most part, is the film's "Bond girl" based on the amount of screen-time she shares with Bond, as well as her larger role in the story. It may be a bit disappointing for some fans, but more likely than not, something they will complain hinders the film, too much.

It's hard to say whether or not Skyfall is the best James Bond film ever made. To call one film in the series "the best" is arguably an objective notion when six different actors have played the same role in 23 films. Fans have their loyalties, and sentimentalities, as I have mine with GoldenEye. I would certainly argue that at this point in the canon of Daniel Craig's Bond films, Skyfall is the bloke's magnum opus. His tenure and the series will most likely take a different turn in the subsequent installment, but as the final chapter in his unofficial introductory "trilogy" as Bond, Skyfall takes chances, maintains a tense pace, and is simply an excellent spy/thriller in the vein of it's contemporaries that happens to masquerade as a "Bond film."

Until Christopher Nolan directs a James Bond film, well...this will just have to do for now.

9/10

Peace,
- Jon

MOVIE REVIEW: Sinister (2012)

Due to my current, inhumanely hectic obligations to law school, it is a depressingly rare occasion for me to go out to the movies. Fortunately, such an occasion arose with a group of friends last evening to see this film: Sinister, this month's very hyped, indie-horror(?), creep-fest. It's a fun offering for serious horror fans, but only progresses so far enough as an intriguing concept to be anything but groundbreaking.

Murder-mystery novelist Ellison (Ethan Hawke) and his family move into a house, where unbeknownst to everyone in the family but him, was the site of a gruesome murder that affected the last inhabiting family. Ellison finds a box of old, super-8 home movies in the attic and discovers the footage to be that of the murders; recorded by the killer. During his research, Ellison stumbles upon the ghastly image of who he supposes is the killer. Although this discovery helps inspire him to write his newest story, he also learns after consulting with police, experts, and experiencing some paranormal activity, that what was shot on film isn't everything it appears to be.

Post-viewing, I read a review for the film on blu-ray.com, where the critic stated:

“Sinister” joins a growing trend of horror movies offering characters who don’t react appropriately to unequivocal proof of their own future doom, a bewildering screenwriting concept recently explored in the last three “Paranormal Activity” pictures.

This comment basically addresses my largest criticism with the plot, being that the story is wholly negated when taking into consideration that Ellison made some poor decisions that result in the film's plot. This is common in horror films; it's a Pandora's Box archetype. Sure, by psychoanalyzing Ellison's motives, his actions are perfectly understandable. The problem is, as a contribution to narrative, it passes off as cliche, and frustrates the viewer who knows he would have done something more logical (like turning the home movies immediately in to the police!), and perhaps made for a more compelling story.

Still, Sinister is an interesting blend of a number of horror elements: The occult, ghosts, haunted houses, serial murder, and "found footage." It's a fun ride for genre lovers who enjoy getting scared; I definitely jumped a few times. And the concept, while a hybrid, is fresh enough to appreciate. Here's hoping if money talks, that it tells the studio to produce a more fleshed-out, credible sequel. I'd be interested to see where the story keeps going...

7/10

Peace,
- Jon

MOVIE REVIEW: The Expendables 2 (2012)

In 2010, Sylvester Stallone unleashed every fanboy's testosterone-infused paradise upon the world - The Expendables: A no-holds, ensemble action tribute to the ultra-violent 80s serials, featuring many big names in the genre. It's easily a dude's answer to Sex and the City. While a fun film, I felt it needed a little extra *oomph* in the action sequences and less of the banal, double-digit IQ verbal exchanges. Two years later, Stallone somehow answered my nitpicky criticisms with The Expendables 2 a rare instance of a sequel that bests the original in every way possible. The coup de grâce (and I'm not ashamed of SPOILING this) being a trifecta shootout in the finale with the owners of Planet Hollywood themselves:

If this scene doesn't convince you to see the film, then I don't know what will. I'm convinced at least half the American male population has been waiting for this moment in film history.

And then, there's Chuck Norris (cue: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly theme):



...need I say more? The man appears in two scenes, but they're a killer (pun absolutely intended).

Now, onto the plot - Without elaborating too much (because honestly, who watches these films for plot?), Sly gets together the old gang once again to take on what is supposedly an "easy job" somewhere in the deserted mining towns of Albania. The mercenaries excursion goes fine until their newest and youngest recruit is ruthlessly whacked by Jean-Claude "The Muscles from Brussels" Van Damme, himself. Fixated on revenge (and wanting the item they came looking for, now stolen by Van Damme), the mercs go to town by doing what they do best - shooting first, and asking questions later. Ironically, violence is the answer to all their problems in this bullet-riddled fantasy.

This sequel has a lot going for it. Aside from the new cast members, the action is easily doubled from the first film, and the one-liners are much more in-tune with the stylings of Governor Schwarzenegger's work in the late-1980s. There's even a few nods to every cast member's previous works, typically in the dialogue. Moreover, I got a better sense of adventure, and even...um...character development than the first film. Sure, Expendables 2 isn't going to win any Academy Awards (at least in the artistic categories), but I'm sure that's not why people would go see it in the first place. I'm happy to say that as an action film, it was one of my favorites of the year, and it was nice to see the summer movie season of 2012 go out with a bang, in both senses of the word.

8/10

Peace,
- Jon

Food for thought: Lean Greek Pita Chicken Wraps

Greek food is one of the healthiest cuisines in the world. (just Google that last sentence if you don't believe me) It is also among the easiest to replicate. So I tried something other-than-a-sandwich for lunch while at home the other day, and I think it worked out quite nicely:

1 pita wrap or disc (plain or baked is optional)

1 grilled chicken breast (marinade is optional)

1/2 a tomato

A handful of salad greens

2 spoonfuls of tzatziki sauce or Trader Joe's cilantro & chive yogurt dip

Any other vegetables of your choice (optional)


Slice the chicken into thin strips. Dice the tomato into cubes. Spread the sauce/dip over the pita. Add the salad greens, chicken, and tomato. Feel free to add more vegetables but be careful not to overload the wrap.

If you buy everything pre-prepared, you can have this little bit of awesome on your plate in under 10 minutes.

Mangia!
- Jon

MOVIE REVIEW: The Campaign (2012)

At a brisk 85 minutes, The Campaign feels much like an afterthought written to cash in on the upcoming presidential election. The impeccable timing is certainly an asset; it's extriniscally a safe business move for the producers and keeps the audiences interested, although years from now, the political rifts or plot context may date themselves. It's not up to me to predict the future, but looking within the moment, the film touches on (or rather, spoofs) a lot of current issues in political campaigning, and is supported by some wonderfully zany performances by Will Ferrell and Zack Galfinakis alike. While not groundbreaking and rather juvenile, The Campaign is a fun romp, and those especially with a penchant for politics will find it enjoyable.

Democratic Representative Cam Brady of North Carolina is charismatic, well-groomed, and everything limousine liberal politicians are hated for (hypocrisy, adultery, etc.). Of course, he's kept a good job of hiding the skeletons in his closet, until he finds himself challenged by Republican tour guide and devout Christian, Marty Huggins. Backed by his wealthy father, a smooth campaign manager (played wonderfully by Dylan McDermott) and two corrupt businessmen who want to use his newfound clout to bring Chinese industry to NC. But as Marty plays dirty politics, and Cam's personal life spins out of control, the Huggins' begin to suffer the effects of negative media scrutiny. Just like in real life, we don't know for long until election day rolls around, and the fates decide who ultimately gets the job.

There's a lot to like about The Campaign, and I feel like it's biggest selling point is the prodding it makes at the absurd state of politics in America right now. However, a lot of it is Ferrell and Galfinakis' usual brand of sophomoric, obnoxious humor. Some may already find it getting long in the tooth. Others, especially those who are fans of Funny or Die should feel right at home. As one who also appreciates meta-fiction, it was fun to see renowned news figures make cameos to provide their two cents on the candidates antics. Overall, it's a fun film, but realize what you're getting yourself into, should you decide to see it.

7/10

Peace,
- Jon